The Birthday Party

By John & Marlys Hardcastle



WIFE TO HUSBAND: Darling! I have decided to have a big birthday party for you!



HUSBAND: Wonderful!



WIFE: On December 25th.



HUSBAND: That's not my birthday.



WIFE: I know, I know, but we'll just SAY it's your birthday.



HUSBAND: That's your ex-boy friend's birthday!



WIFE: That's okay, I have decided to call it your birthday.



HUSBAND: No, its not okay. Why don't you just pick any day that is NOT your ex-boy friend's birthday? Aren't you interested in what is true? In what is pleasing to me? Even enough to find out my real birth date?



WIFE: Now, now, don't get upset. I have decided that we'll just SAY it is your birthday. I've sent out the invitations and everybody is doing it so that makes it okay.



HUSBAND: It does?



WIFE: Yes, and you wouldn't want me to change the date and inconvenience anyone. I have decided it is okay.



HUSBAND: You've decided. I would be pleased if you would just take my hand and follow me and spend a few moments with me.



WIFE: Later, later. No time now. I have invited ALL the family. My Father and Mother and Uncle Bill and Cousin Betty and Ernie and all the kids and grandkids and, Oh, the children will love it! We'll do it for the children!They deserve it!



HUSBAND: For the children. I see, a day to exalt family...and you call it my birthday. Makes me think you love family more than me.



WIFE: Oh, you'll love it, too, I have decided. And we'll all give gifts to each other.



HUSBAND: This is supposed to be MY birthday? Yet you give gifts to others? Why?



WIFE: And I'll decorate the house...red ribbons and bows and...



HUSBAND: Red? Red is your ex-boyfriend's favorite color! I like blue and green. Blue skies, blue seas, green grass, trees, birds...



WIFE: Oh, I'm putting up a green tree decorated with gold and silver ball sand we'll put gifts under it!



HUSBAND: Like the idolaters throughout history....every green tree... That is idolatry.



WIFE: And I'll have to buy gifts and do lots of shopping and...



HUSBAND: ...so the God of Mammon will get his.



WIFE: It will be worth it! I'll decorate and bake cookies and fruitcake and..



HUSBAND: Sounds like you'll be really busy. Come away my beloved and spend a little time with me...a walk by the river, a...



WIFE: Later, darling. I'll be busy, but you'll love it...I've decided. The hustle, the bustle...oh, yes, and I've decided to have a nice baked ham...



HUSBAND: Charred swine's flesh! On what you SAY is my birthday and is not!Who is in charge here? Why do you just do YOUR THING and assume that I will put my stamp of approval on it? If you love me, why do you not DO the things that I say? Why do you not do things MY WAY? You don't even KNOW me! I suppose the next thing you'll do is dress your ex-boyfriend in a red suit and have him drop down the chimney!



WIFE: Uhhhh...